Crybaby Self-Portrait: Andi St. Amand

Written By: Andi

To let you in on a little secret, I haven't always been a patron for the positive aspect of things. It's been a very long and slow progression. Flashback to 2011:  I had a bad habit of pushing away everyone that cared for me. It was easier to let go than to allow myself to feel like I was constantly disappointing everyone. I was deep in depression, feeling lost and directionless in my search for reasons to keep up. That feeling is so far gone to me now. Although I have forever had terrible anxiety, I try my best not to let that interfere with my everyday life. Living with anxiety has most certainly not been easy, but about two years ago I decided that I will not continue to let that discourage me. I have taken directive of my lingering subconscious fears, and I'm gaining more control with each passing day. I am completely different than I was then, and for that, I couldn't be more grateful. Today I strive to see the light in all aspects of life, and live for each day's adventure.

Andi in 2011 & Andi today. 

Andi in 2011 & Andi today. 

One thing that has always been a form of self expression and exploration for me is writing. I have some sort of journal and pen with me at all times.  I've been scribbling my thoughts for almost ten years now, learning how to keep myself in check. Reading over old pieces of work makes me realize how far I have come, emotionally and personally- and that definitely helps me maintain a more positive perspective. I'm still 100% likely to take things too personally. Always have, always will. My mother calls me her "tender child".  Learning to love and accept myself is the absolute hardest thing that I have ever tried to conquer, and it still takes work everyday. It's a constant struggle, but discovering how to empower yourself above negative thoughts is the best feeling I could ever imagine. 

I am so thrilled that the earth angels at The Crybaby Club have allowed me to share my thoughts and feelings with all of you total sweethearts. This community is so encouraging and empowering. Because everyone involved with TCBC is so open minded and welcoming, I have forever felt that I have found my place here. Until next time, keep your head up and your thoughts in the light.

If there is one piece of advice that I'd like you to keep with you, it's this: All growth takes time, and you're never quite done doing it. Do not allow yourself to become discouraged because you haven't achieved everything you want. You're on a working journey to the best possible you, and that's already a big step. 

You are enough!