Five years ago, I was thirty. It was five years into my move to California and I felt completely lost. I was waitressing at a small breakfast café, and loving it. However, I was settling in life. I wasn’t pursuing goals or dreams that I had in my mind. Instead, my mind was full of fear and anxieties.
I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember and just adjusted my life around it. I was worried about 90% of the day and would create things to worry about if everything was going well. On the outside, I was a goofy gal, but on the inside I felt alone. I would sometimes think very dark thoughts and had moments of self-harm, only in hidden places that no one could see because I was Christie, the fun quirky girl from Texas! She was always happy and fun! I felt that I was battling myself and it was awful. It was exhausting trying live happy on the outside, but feeling the exact opposite in my soul. Not to mention I was so homesick. I was missing my family and friends back home and the southern life I grew up with. I felt as if I didn’t fit in here in Los Angeles.
Fast forward five years, I am married to the love of my life, I have an amazing gang of friends who I love dearly and the make the world seems so much sweeter to me. Although those previous five years were rough, I know that season of my life was good because it taught me to truly love myself and know that that I am not alone in life.
I still deal with anxieties pretty much every day, however they are more manageable than they were five years ago. Something else I learned in those five years was to jump out of my comfort zone I was hiding in and go for my dreams. I went from waitressing to working for Sony Pictures/ Deluxe Media where I am now. Life will always have its ups and downs, but the growth that these last five years have made me stronger. Although very painful at times, it was so worth it. In the words of I hope that the next five years I grow to be more brave, be more adventurous and make the best memories with those I love and those who love me.
Love, Chrisite Gee-Kellems