Crybaby Self-Portrait: Shante'

Written by: Shante' Danielle

Hi! My name is Shante'. I am a blogger, loving family member and friend. I am a city girl who's in her twenties. 

I am here to tell you my story--my story as being someone who suffers with social anxiety and depression. It started way back when I was in middle school, when I realized I had anxiety. As a kid, I've always been a quiet individual, who loves to make friends but who also doesn't mind being isolated. I was never the popular kid and I was also never the unpopular one. I also went through being bullied by some. I always and still doubt myself with how I look and personality wise.  

 

Before graduating middle school, I was going through depression. Not just because of anxiety, but because at the time I was experiencing losing loved ones. Ones who I will never forget. There were times when I would come home from school (I always did my homework) but then I would go upstairs in my bedroom, close the door, turn all lights out, and lie in bed under my blanket. I was pretty isolated. Never said why.

My family were pretty concerned as to why I had changed. They knew I was crying out for help. I've been through therapists, social groups, psychiatrists, you name it. I even was an impatient at what you may say "mental hospital", where I had to be away from home (wasn't so far, just about almost an hour away). Anything to get my feelings out there. I've met a lot of people during those times. So many sad stories. We learned a lot about each other. Sometimes it makes me grateful to know that I have many who support me. There were ones who ran away from home, done drugs, even some who are suicidal. 

I even had hard times in high school, where I had to drop out and did homeschooling for the rest of my four years. I was even more isolated, but I still ended up graduating. I've lost many childhood friends; felt like I was the hated/disliked one. I've also turned down many opportunities with jobs, or keeping friendships, or getting my permit. There were times where I wouldn't even get out of the house.

It felt like my teenage years were a waste. I knew that even though I have these problems, I need to live my life. I wanted to somehow change. I may not get over having anxiety or depression, but am willing to cope through it.

Today, I have more job experiences, I have been in a relationship for over two years, I am a loving aunt, I am trying to get involved in positive things, I meditate, I'm even planning to go back to school for child care!

I also want to support those who go through any mental illnesses and to let them know that you're not alone. We're going through this together, which made me inspired to write a book based upon anxiety or any mental illnesses, that makes you think positive and help you cope with any situations you're having. Trust me, I've been through plenty of situations with anxiety. I hope to one day inspire the world in letting them know that we exist. To let them understand the struggles of not just having anxiety or depression because of a big test, but knowing the differences. 

I, one day, want to have kids of my own. I will want to do anything to make their lives better. To always be there for them and to always listen to whatever they need to talk about.

My fellow crybabies, I want to join you because whatever we're going through, we'll get through it together. I am stronger than ever today because I believe that things will get better. Never assume and just try, is motivation for me. 

You can find Shante' over here on her blog!